Briar-rose

Wed, 16 Nov 2005 07:01:20 GMT

Guess what I'm doing right now? Making a new journal. I decided it's time to step over into adult hood with a fresh start and in a day or so, whenever I really get the new one up and running I'll be deleting these crusty old memories with PLEASURE!

But in the mean time you're all welcome to add girlcalledred although it will be a while before I get it all looking perdy like.

Mon, 14 Nov 2005 04:43:29 GMT

It's ridiculous how many times I've tried to update this thing in the last few weeks only to be foiled by some interruption or another. It's always someone wanting the phone line, an appointment to keep, a visitor or simply a trip out to get mini pies with Laura.

I'll try it anyway and maybe by some magical thinga it will attract a visitor to my bored little afternoon.

The flat is going ok because well... I'm never here. Laura's about to leave but at least we've made a few more memories for 2005 before tonight. I've yet to talk to Jack about the room and Caleb is still stealing my toothpaste. Bastard.

Work is good too. I had a fucking hard fortnight with a ton of extra work due to a possible salmonella outbreak in the aviaries. Rabbit's kept dying and it was just heartbreaking because they're one of my more favored animals. Sharron's been sticking up for me against Donna who keeps trying to mess with my hours and get me on even more split shifts just because no one else would work closing. Closing sucks because you have to make excuses to the new worker as to why she shouldn't worry about doing it without saying "It's because you're a dirty fucking thief and Russell wants to fire you before you steal from us".

I guess I can fit a few stories from socializing in Last weekend: Fireworks and all that hoo ha. There was a couples weekend out at a boat shead with lots of drunkenness and shenanigans. They lost me for about an hour after Tris's family trying to get me to follow them back to the beach but apparently I was determined to go uphill and back the way I came down. The next anyone saw of me was Haram as she returned from helping Tris up the hill after he was passing out. I was lying in the grass laughing my head off because I couldn't walk and apparently kept telling Haram "I'm ok" really giggly and whimper like. Eddie spent a lot of the night swishing around in The Pirate Coat thinking it was awesome, Nat made me be the bread faery and every time I put my wand down I had to eat more bread, Garry brought a huge set up for music and I totalled everyone with my 5 liters of pink punch.
When we were trying to wake Tris up so we could start the fireworks at about 10 (he passed out 9:30 on the dot) there were a few different things tried. First Ben his little brother was offered to kick him. We didn't think he'd actually do it or that he'd kick Tris in the head. Secondly Haram tried "Tris you know how I went to the Doctors last week. Well I really -am- pregnant." Tris said "That's ok" and we realised there was no way he was getting up.
Pints night: One last harrah. Dressing up was fun as always and it was really sweet to see all the regulars all tidy and presentable. Dan put it best when he said to me something about being near blown over when he saw me striding down the street (wearing heals and the black dress), being more used to me having my hair out at odd angles and a bird on my head.
Wilbar tried to outfreak us by suggesting to Garry a possible threesome between us, Garry pretended to take it in all seriousness and ran off to check with me or rather get me in on the game. I drank way too much as usual and felt crappy the next day, I blame it on Ellen sneaking in gin and offering me mixes constantly.
One odd part was Eddie constantly grabbing my chest and trying to put it down to the fact my reflexes aren't good enough. I thought it might be drunkeness and the fact Eddie is a flirt until someone helpfully said that Nat's leaving in a few weeks and he's probably trying to put the moves on so his summer isn't lonely. Now I'm being paranoid.
Social acts party: I wasn't actually invited to this due to not being a volenteer for the club and all. But Laura took me along to help eat food. Mostly I just drank the bubbly and got very cheeky towards the people I was talking to, they were arrogant prats anyway. A vegan and a brainiac. The brainiac started pouring bubbly where I couldn't see (in the bushes) because I kept mocking the fact he's 26 and can't pour properly and I've been drinking three months and can do it. The vegan I pissed off by pretending I wasn't practically vegeterian after she was ranting about slaughter and it had a mother blahblah and I said something like they're not any smarter than bugs and everyone kills bugs all the time. Yeeeah. I went to talk to the younger crowd after that.
Mary's 21st: It was pretty dry. I guess all that happened was talking to Becksie most of the night. It sucks because I'm really starting to like her but every time I finish a conversation with the girl someone close to me comes up and asks if she knows yet. Meaning does she know I hooked up with Neils her ex. Apparently when she finds out she'll hate me but I'm hoping her new found happiness came with some maturity too.
Ok, Mary's 21st was themed as "black and white" which everyone stuck to really well. Garry though went against it as usual and went as every colour -but- black and white and very blatantly too. No one expected any less

Oh and things with Garry are only on the up. They guy is a sweetheart who really wants to look after me but on the other hand keeps me in line like no one else can and he's loosening up my mind too, making me get over a few snobby hang ups and so on. I think this may actually work ok if not even awesomely, he's the only person I've met that's just as mad as I am and he's a really good person. Squee. Already he's cooked for me twice and taken me to the ballet (although granted one of the main reasons was that he rigged for the show and wanted to see how it all turned out). In return I'm doing my best to treat him well (not be a brat) and so far all he can say is how happy I'm making him.

Tue, 08 Nov 2005 01:47:41 GMT

This is going to be one hell of a rushed update.

Main points I guess:
-Due to many different events I'm now attempting to be in a committed relationship with Garry and I have to say, it really ain't all that bad. Yes reltionships get my vote.
-Haram left town yesterday. Haram and I hooked up and explodigoed Wilbar's mind.
-Best weekend ever! I'll try and find time to update that in full later.
-Discovered Garry knows how to cook damn good despite the fact he lives off toast.

And finally tomorrow will be the final pints night of the year. We plan to send it out in style and dress to our best. I'm talking cocktail dresses and penguine suits here baby. Oh for a camera.

Hearts and kisses!

Sat, 29 Oct 2005 23:02:05 GMT

My most irresponsible week to date. While walking home through the scarey Woodhall gardens last night (it was after midnight and I was in a skirt, it was scarey I swear) I started planning to have a nanna week to counter act it all. I got really excited too! I'm going to bake for my friends living on 2 min noodles (spent all their money on booze), be in bed by 10 every night, wear flowery clothing and pearls too. It's going to be the best nanna week ever!

Basically I spent only four nights of the last week in my own bed at home and not all of these nights away were before a night that I didn't have work. I haven't been in bed before 1am since monday and I made some really stupid choices on alcohol and spite. The story on that will be under a friends cut if you care to read, my darlings.

Work updates: I fucked myself over as far as trust goes by needing to go home early. I might be worrying too much because Donna didn't seem to mind. It was a very quiet day and all the random jobs I usually do were done. I was just sad and hadn't been to bed (to sleep anyway) yet. She told me to go have a nice day sleeping in my bed but I already knew I wasn't. I walked 45 minutes to Garry's place and said surprise (with such a childishly proud smile) as he opened the door confused then happy.

Big Day Out: I talked to mum about asking Anne if I could stay with her and apparently she's always saying it's fine for my brother and I to stay so it should be sweet. I always liked spending time with her, she's so bubbly. Next pay I'm getting a phone but the one after that I'll get my ticket. Then it's save save save until January.

Flat: I just found out that Kat and Jack are staying on another year at the flat. This is bad for two reasons. First that means I don't get the room I had my heart set on so I either stay where I am with no sun but heaps of room, or move into Jacks tiny but cheeper room (him and Kat are sharing) and get a veiw, sun and pink curtains. Secondly I was really looking foward to new flatmates, having some new energy and hopefully a bit more of a unit. I love hanging out at Ellen's flat because the guys have known eachother for about three years, all take similar classes and all adore teasing Ellen. It's really cute. They go on holidays together, day trips and drink together all the time. I hate living with couples, they just want to hang out in their rooms all the time. But then there is always the option of taking the gimp room, having $20 extra to play with each week and just never be home hehe! It could be great, I could set up my work station somewhere else in the house and just have the room for sleeping and storage. Ok, getting some possitivity here.

Art: Doing a crapload of sketching with my markers but not much finished stuff.

Mon, 24 Oct 2005 02:29:18 GMT

I hate that he can still bully me so easily. Here I was all worried about growing up too quick and all it takes is one gruff comment from Russell as he quite literally stands over me and I'm falling back into a seat with big confused eyes thinking "Why didn't you just say that in the first place? Why are you getting mad at me now? I didn't understand...". I hate being fragile, I want the control that Harriet has.

So anyway I ended up getting sent home early on a holiday again because the boss was having paranoia attacks about having to pay people time and a half. There were three people left on staff to cover the pet store and clinic, two of them being clinic staff. Which means that I left Simon with two phones to answer and three tills to man.

In other news I'm getting even more pissed off with my flatmate Laura. Last friday I went out in a huff after she blurted out, thinking she was so cool "How much do you need to know to work in a pet store?!" as if it was just any other retail job. Fucking bitch. A week ago she told me I shouldn't worry about Garry liking me more than I like him because in those situations and even in relationships it's always like that. Then she did the hurt puppy look saying how that's probably what's happening right now, meaning her a Jez. And sure I sound like a bitch, but I have no sympathy for the girl, she's a stuck up brat. Jez had a mutual friend of theirs over but to do work that needed to be done right -then- and Laura spends the whole time talking loudly about absolute crap. When she got sick of being ignored at the table (they were talking to me over her, hahah) she went to her room to watch tv but then started coming out every few minutes to announce the shows that were on to try and distract them and get them to spend time with her. Wtf? End rant, phew.

Erg I wrote out a list of the stuff I needed to do yesterday and there was about 8, I made it through the two most urgent then stuffed around and spent ages cooking, I have no time keeping skills.

I'm a little thrown as to what I'll be doing for the Big Day Out. I'm meant to be looking up tickets right now but I'm avoiding it because I haven't actually got any idea about where I'll be staying. I have family up there that would love to see me... maybe I'll try and get mum to talk to them. Or I could pull a Jez and make new friends on the plane...

Mon, 17 Oct 2005 06:10:16 GMT

At some point this morning I was woken up by knocking on my door. Jack. Mega had brought in a baby bird and of course being the person with so many animals of her own, I'd have no problems taking on another. At least he formed his request as an actual question before running off to uni before I'd made a coherant reply.

It's eating well and hasn't been too much trouble so far so things might be ok. I just really don't want responsibilities right now.

Dan and Peter stopped in today with plans to steal Jack off to the beach. Good gods it was a beautifil if cloudy day. Anyway Jack boy wasn't home so the three of us sat around and talked... crap I guess because I sure don't remember much. Anyway, on some coming saturday we're going to have an interflat sandcastle making comp out at long beach. There will also be mandatory drinking and if Dan doesn't bring his guitar I'm so bitching my bratty little red head off. Wieee I can rally people into a 2am swim again! And this time we can be prepared with towels and the camp fire so I wont fall over sick or something. As well as those there will be Dan (who still seems keen and more willing to talk and include me) and that guy is a walking furnace.

I still can't find my sketch book, fucker.

P.S TASH THE PARCELL ARRIVED AND I HEART YOU!!

Now nap.

Pets are all I need.

Tue, 11 Oct 2005 07:53:07 GMT

I have a new best friend, her name is Nouk the rat and she is pretty. She's very young and rather small but that doesn't stop her being awesome. She's learning to beg and everyone wants to take her home.

I have an arch nemeses, his name is Sea Gull the catling and he's pretty too. He's manic and always hungry so it's an effort to keep up with the little bastard. But on Saturday mornings he always has the most gentle, warm cuddles to give.

I have my animals to care for and my art to nurture so right now that's really all I need. Well that and friendship. Laura came home today and I had no idea how much I'd missed her blatantly cynical but completely realistic ways. I went all squeaky and gave her a mini hug (mini hugs are the honest ones), she was rather touched. Before that I caught up with Neils at the video store and we had a good chat about stuff until he got busy and I left him too it. He was really surprised that there was no hard feelings but then I'd had a week to get over stuff and really could see his point about Garry being a "hound dog". He was just looking out for me it seems. Kinda funny when on the other side of things he also thought nothing about getting me caught up his kamikaze week of "live for the day". He messed things up badly on that. At the moment he's doing an essay a day and they're all already late.

So basically this has only solidified my earlier decision that people suck and I want to limit how much I have to do with them. At least I know sort of why the idea of a relationship freaks me out so badly. I don't care what people say, a relationship involves giving up a lot of yourself. There's energy, sacrifice of routines and in part a loss of identity. I've been in just friendship before where we were close enough that we became a unit in the eyes of others and they start referring to you as a pair. Look for one find the other. I'm not ready to give up that much of myself, not to anyone that I know anyway.

So I have my pets, work and social life of visiting friends on pints nights and weekends. Oh and my lovely flat mates. I have more that enough to keep me busy.

Mon, 10 Oct 2005 09:51:48 GMT

Life ambitions -

1) See a duck jump.

2) Own a coconut bra and hola skirt.

I thought about adding owning a gorilla mask but it just didn't quite add up to a life ambition. How am I after a day in bed? Still feeling sickly but soooo happy. I kid you not when I say I spent the entier day sleeping, eating, writing, drawing, EATING or reading my faery book that Ricki gave me. I parcially sketched out two canvases, one with a ref but I canged parts so now it's fucked up... I'll go back and copy directly from the reference tomorrow. The other is something that developed from the story I was writing as well as the faery book. It's a style I've been wanting to try for a while that started with the dolls head I'm doing, big eyes, small nose and lips with strong bone structure. Fun fun fun.

I found out Rueben made it to Wellington and is happily choosing between possible cafe jobs as he looks for a flat. Life is on the up for the boy, I just wish I could see it to believe it. It's kinda funny that he chose Wellington as it's the city I plan on heading to when I go in to study and even mum's considering living there to be closer to her family. Ah well, I'll get rid of them all one day.

Today I ate two mini pizzas, two danishes (mum came to visit), a sandwich, an apple, lots of smoothy, a fuck load of chocolate and something else while heating my pizza that I forget. With absolutely no exercize I might add. I'm so proud of myself and so very pie.

Tomorrow if I have split shifts I'm thinking of making cookies. Not just any cookies mind you, novolty cookies! There shall be bumble bees yes yes. Errr... I had crazy dreams, it's the best way I can explain it.

Also tomorrow I'm going to try make it out to Devi's exhibition opening. Not very hard though mind you because I doubt anyone will cover me, only Rose will be there and she has grooming to do. Also if this is the same thing as mentioned by the guy at the part last night Garry will likely be there. I just can't be bothered with him right now. It's got to the point where I'm feeling pressure from -everyone-. Talia saying all this stuff about how she's sorry she was dissing him to me and didn't realise we were together, to which I freaked out and jabbered on about how we weren't and still aren't really. Haram asking if we're hooking up now and then getting all "awwww". Even the man himself but in a different manner, he keeps making comments about how we need to be in a room without people at some point to which I reply "don't push me". Then of course there's all his mentions to the fact I've spent nights with Neils to which I reply with a mere death glare.

Now I'm going to go read about faeries until midnight and hope my wet hair doesn't dry in a fluff!

Holy cow I'm all classy!

Fri, 07 Oct 2005 10:30:43 GMT

Favorite comment of the night was when I walked out all fancied up (the pirate coat had had it's time on show and the dress was asking for attention) and giggled that I could so pass as an escort... Shawn the darling comes out with "Yeah. We could make money on you tonight!" I love that guy, no one else could get away with such inappropriate comments.

Anyway I got the dress, used my own money and not the vouchers but then I do have birthday checks to be cashed. It's black and stretchy with a cross between a halter neck and satin ribbon ties to hold it up, there's a bit of ranching and the length is asymmetrical. The vouchers totally went on my first pair of stilettos but they were cheep so I had a great adventure with two attendants in the store of finding all these sparklies to go with it. Once it was all on I got some "oh wow"s and there was some ego feeding even though I was almost shaking at the first time fancy pants jitters.

It especially goes really well with the raging bite bruise from Haram. I mean wow, she must have really hung on there!

In other news? I've figured out what was really making me unhappy, work. I've been feeling really discontent there from listening to all Rose's woes about how bad Russell is and how I can never expect a raise. It was starting to make me feel like there was no point getting comfortable because it was never going to grow into anything... Then I went shopping and realized how much I suck at being girly and superficial. I'm damn good at what I do, I may only know half the answers but then I'm also one of the newest employees and I've learned a crapload in eight months.

Sea Gull just went outside in order to bring back in a month and dismantle it on my floor O.o

I made decisions! Everyone went out tonight but Kat and I so we ended up in this really intense conversation about life experience. I walked away with one main thing to concentrate on. If I'm going to be with someone it should be because I can't imagine life otherwise at that point in time. Look for the spark, when it really happens for real it will happen for both parties. Things went as far as they did with Neils because we do spark, Laura even commented that standing between us was really uncomfortable because "Ahh! I didn't need to feel that" in reference to the chemistry. I still don't want to go there though because I know that at this point in my life I'm fragile to influences because everything is so new and well I'm just starting out. His problem is that he's been messed up by past relationships (a heavy going stalker and falling for a girl that had liked him for ages then when things happened she decided she liked girls) and hasn't been able to let that go. Also he spreads himself too thin with work and volunteering for OUSA events that he really has no time to sort his head out anyway. Spark doesn't go away and maybe farther down the road our timing will match better? I adore Garry and I'm not giving up on that yet but I know already it wont go far, I could never offer him serious because timing is just bad.

So sticking to girls damn it.

Thu, 06 Oct 2005 09:18:18 GMT

My flat mates are all so pie this week. We got our supermarket vouchers for the filming finally so our cubboards are filled to bursting with ridiculously extravagant food and faces are covered in smug, contented smiles. Yes, we are so pie.

My night? I broke my promise and went to pints night, for once though I controlled my drinking and left before closing. On the other hand I had a slightly crap night and admit I shouldn't have gone out. I nearly had an anxiety attack and had to escape the room where the gig was, acted like a right brat and have a few apologies to make and also kept getting pulled into talk about Neils. I swear those theater students have no secrets from each other, they almost seem to know more of the situation than myself.

On the upside though I had a heap of fun wearing my corset bra (I swear there was a hand on my back or waist at all times), making Wilbur heel when he started woofing and skittering about like a dog and getting a back rub from the same individual after he got me to sit on his knee. There was skanky dancing, plans to have a "we hate boys, lets throw rocks!" party at Haram's (there will be a piniata to write names on then beat the crap out of. I'm picking Neils and Dan), much girly chatting and the starting of a chin boobs club (Anna and I had fantastic bra's on). On the way there Ellen and I ran through the rain, drank gin from her flask, talked glitter and sparkles then later in the evening I lost her and Anna to shots and robot talk.

Of course I have to add boy talk in here. I got cornered by Wilbur and a lot of what was said about Garry was lost but basically it sounds like all Garry's male friends are cheering for him and think it would be a great match. Still a little nervous after Kat's party though when all the girls just ripped into him with some really pathetic stuff. I never really listened to it for long because I can make up my own mind but I'd hate a repeat of such an uncomfortable situation.. I mean I'd only just met about 90% of them that very night. And I have made up my mind, I'm going to give things a try with Garry. He knows I'm reconsidering things and that I just need time to get to know him better. I told him I'm sick of getting messed about by people and perhaps this relationship thing wouldn't be so bad if it offered a little stability. Still, no promises it will turn into anything but then nothing ever really does. And I just have to comment on this, I was sober enough to feel the tongue stud this goodnight kiss and ahem... oh my.

One more day of work, am going dress shopping tomorrow with Haram and Ellen, have a craving for new piercings (discovered a bunch of old holes are still open), seeing Garry on Saturday, then either Ellen for dinner or Garry, Kat and Tristram's play (they're at the same time so have to sort that), Sunday will hopefully be reserved for sailing but then I know that Dad's racing and I'm not sure I can get together enough warm weather clothing. Maybe arting instead, I'll probably be hungover anyway since I'll either be at a 21st party or a bands release party.

Just how is it that in two and a half weeks I've developed a stronger friends group and social scene than I have in all my 19 years?

Tue, 04 Oct 2005 07:33:00 GMT

I had a lovely evening with Ellen, the walk over to her place was definately worth leaving my sculpting for. I still needed to get my clothing back after saturday and return the dress and heels I borrowed. Once again, such a good night!

We chatted over the boy situation, it was good to hear stuff from the point of view of someone who knew all parties and had seen events. Her suggestion about Garry (and the fact he became so stuck even before he knew me well) was that he'd perhaps idealised me as the perfect girl and probably wasn't going to see otherwise for a while. Then we talked about more important stuff like cake, holahooping (she broke the 100 barrier and can do 108 rotations now!), her 6 months studying in the US, satin sheets and old fashioned movie stars. Then it went to custard and giggles as we started making crazy plans of girliness. We're going to get matching bra and panties sets but different colours so we can alternate tops and bottoms next swimming night. Mind fuckery over anyone we drag along ah huh! Also we want to dress like 1950's pin up girls for holloween, apparently I'm sewing the dresses fuck.

Then I found out how she ate and spent the next five minutes convicing her over to my place to cook for her. I needed to stop by the supermarket on the way home though and she ended up getting a big block of chocolate since it was a new flavour and then we ate the whole damn thing through out the rest of the night. Owwwwww. She's taking me dress shopping possibly friday.

Garry visited work today, I was talking to a costomer then had a total blank out so it took me a while to notise he was there. Fantastic look that. It was a welcome distraction though because I ended up working the full 10 hours again and totally stole over half an hour to talk to him. I'm going to see his play of sorts this saturday I think. It was a paper for Uni though so has a very peculiar theme. Basically at the 21st while we were all making a lot of noise and trying to distract them, Garry and Wilbar were filming an interview (Garry behind the camera) of his thoughs on child disiplin. Garry now has to recreate this drunken ramble into a play piece. The transcripting was near impossible he said because Wilbar kept stuttering when he got distracted or was trying to talk over us. Good luck with that.

I found out something really not pleasant though when I pressed for details on what the Neils and Garry talk was over on Saturday night. Ok, I'd just found out the night before from Ellen that Gary and Neils are actually really close friends and don't just spend time together because they work the same events and drink like fishes. I guess when Neils was saying that my idea of time off sounded really good and it might help him work out why he's been doing the stuff he has... one of those things was the fact Garry only asked for my number because Neils blatantly lied to him when he asked if anything had happened after the swimming night between Neils and I. So now I can't help but feel guilty for putting even a brief moment of strain on those two despite the fact that Neils was keeping everyone in the dark in some way. There's so much I don't understand. Neils just wanted fun and so did I until things started going too far (and I ran a mile at the first sniff of attachment) but he did funky things like avoiding anyone knowing and then there was him warning me off Garry, saying he was a hound dog. Garry being one of his closest friends and also about the only other person who could possibly explain this to me but then I can hardly tell him what was said.

Ellen and I are going to stick together and become a-sexual. This is the best thought I've had in three weeks.

So very tired...

Sun, 02 Oct 2005 02:13:02 GMT

I had a wonderful birthday, it's just a pitty I'd had no sleep after the 21st party. I was a pirate, Garry a lost boy and Ellen a blue tinkerbell. My brother was there as well as Tristram, Haram, Anna and the flatmates, everyone I actually wanted there in other words (other than Laura, sad times). We had three cakes, copious amounts of candy, giggle fits, Garry chasing seagulls in his onesie, frolicing and pretend drunken stumbling (I was a pirate it had to be done).

Garry and Ellen are now on watch to make sure I never go home with Neils again after drinking. It hurts a little but we're both so skattered and what we're doing isn't helping the situation. We're both just too sensitive and insecure when it comes to relations with others for casual to work. If I was a better person I'd feel something back for Garry but I'm not so he'll just have to sort himself out.

I don't remember a quarter of this week so it's definately time to quit going out and redirect things back into something resembling normality again. It's time to start planning past the next pints night, get my dolls started (faery girls and pirate boys, I'm going to keep running with the Neverland theme for a while) and get money past what very little I earn working at the pet store. I need to stop stuffing around talking to Rose in the grooming room at work and remember I have a responsibility in that place.

I'm tired of being one of those aimless idiots who just think about socialising and finds turning up to work the next day hungover a funny expirience to laugh about on the next night out.

Not to say last night wasn't fun, but then it was more relaxed and safe than most nights. Basically I spent the rest of the afternoon sleeping in the sun on the couches under the house with Garry before heading off in costume at sun set to Neils work in order to get Ellen's number. There was plenty of stuffing around about what we were doing and where we were going but eventually the two of us ended up at Ellen's with the rest of the candy from the picnic. Ellen being Ellen had cheep gin which quickly dissapeared between four of us (her flatmate Rob was up too) as we tested what candy was best melted in gin, half watched Garden State and tormented their antisocial flatmate Sparrow. Then there came the point where Ellen and I started talking dresses and I admitted I don't even own one. So off we ran to her room and five minutes later I'm giggling and squealing that I really am a girl as I spun about in a tight little strapless and heels. Interesting expirience. The night continued with three of hurrying through the rain and the females dancing outside of Civic where Neils was still working until we got dragged inside. Ellen took me into the back room where we giggled helplessly over the movie titles and fake boobs. Found out later that during this moment Neils and Garry had a deep talk about the situation I've created between the three of us and I plan to bully details out of Garry later because I hate being left in the dark. The night ended at Anna's after finding out there was a $20 cover change at Refuel and there was fun, relaxed chatter, a great note to end on.

Arg I have to go clean up the lounge, my sewing stuff is exploded everwhere and I'm starting to feel a little guilty. I miss you all and hope life is a little happier for the rest of you darlings.

Tue, 27 Sep 2005 04:24:31 GMT

Squiggle WIEEEE Pix had her ratlings. Four!

Sun, 25 Sep 2005 03:15:21 GMT

On another note, I'm starting to dislike how superficial my life is getting. One more week and I'm taking a break from the social scene or at least just Refuel. I miss my art, kitty and I think I'm forgetting how to be a hermit. Time for detoxing and getting life more productive.

Thu, 22 Sep 2005 06:14:45 GMT

Another level of confusion got added to things last night. Sweet.

I meet all these people last night, ones I'd come across before mind you, but not really talked to. Favourite new friend was Wilbar, the man who dresses up as movie characters with Gary. He's an utter sweety and tells you things straight up which at some points proved helpful. There were many others too, mostly theatre geeks who had a thing for spanking eachother. I'm talking real crackers here.

I think the theam of the night was.... naughty, childishness. As well as smacking there was Haram, Anna and I making up gossip about some guy (missed his name) and what he got up to last summer when he went to all these places overseas (he didn't really, he just dissapeared for two months apparently). It involved belly dancers. Then there was Eddie and I having an arguement about Gary's nipple piercings and if the gecko or... I forget the other one, were better. Close physical inspections were needed on Eddie's insistance until Gary threatened to return it. Actually Gary really got the short end of the stick last night, we kept poking his belly because he was wearing a cookie monster shirt. It made sense!

Then Neils turned up and almost completely ignored me again. I don't understand him at all and it's times like last night that really kill any feelings I might have been starting to get for the guy. I just wish he would make it a simple flick off rather than play with my hand when no one's watching and kiss my neck when I hug him goodbye.

Something good came out of realising Neil's wasn't who I thought he was, I was totally free to ignore him back and realise just how comfortable things are feeling with Gary. He kisses much better for one *giggles*. Mildly freaking out though because of a comment that Wilbar made, it gave me the feeling I'd been talked about in the last week. I think we were joking about seriousness and I came out with "I can't do serious, it's just not in my nature" and he got really intense and started gesturing to Gary at the bar and saying "Tell him that". Help?

And I really ended the night in class. People kept getting me pints and I kinda forgot how much bigger they are than handles so didn't keep good track of how much I drank. Totally did girly chucking in a planter. But I got none on my clothing and didn't make horendous noises or so Wilbar said when he was trying to help me look on the bright side, the Love. But I made it to work and suffered on through.

Duckduck died, just took a real plumet downhill this afternoon. I was so hopefull when I woke up to peeping in my closet.

Wed, 21 Sep 2005 07:25:58 GMT

My work is right over the road from the public gardens. So every year we get over run with people bringing in ducklings that were "stranded" or "motherless". Their mothers know exactly where they were but we can't tell them this because they'll feel bad since by the time they've brought it to us and got their smell all over the little ball of fluff the mother really wont want it.

So guess who has a duckling down her shirt?

I'm crossing my fingers that it survives the night, I've always had a soft spot for ducks. But how do I fit this around going out to meet Gary?

Wed, 21 Sep 2005 02:14:01 GMT

My brother announced that he wants to be a drug lord. He already looks like one so why not?

It was an interesting night I guess, I had a very impromptue visit back to mothers with Reub's who's back in town for the time being since there wasn't nearly as much work down in Taris as promised. He's chain smoking and bitter with many comments of "Pop'n'Fresh, never fall in love. Stick to one night stands" and how my luck will run out soon and I'll get screwed over eventually. What ever happened to my brother so full of ambition, ideas and vision? The one that was going to work work work until he could buy a van and travel around the country painting what he saw into beauty? Nothing seems to make him happy. Kate and him broke up months ago but it seems to be getting worse rather than better.

On the upside of things I bumped into Gary at the super market and we wandered around planning a pretent party and what we would serve. It was mostly him reccomending drinks and me listing off good, quick desserts but that still works. He was wearing giant purple pants. They looked comfy.

I got a pattern for my pirates jacket! It's perfect right down to the fold back cuffs and twin buttons on the back. But finding the perfect blue fabric is proving to be a pain in the ass. I was ment to do that today but grrrr work is intruding. I actually have to be back there in a short while so that I can work until 6 again. I have to go soak my thumb now, it's all pussy and swollen from a fucking parrot bite.

PS, I'm getting a parrot and calling it Scully.

Mon, 19 Sep 2005 06:10:24 GMT

Simon is my new favorite senior staff member. He let me answer the phones with "Ahoy! Gardens Vet and Pet Planet" until you know... the boss arrived.

I did nothing productive yesterday that couldn't have been put into one hour, but bed was warm!

On another note I'm in love with my flat and even if I have all year to wait it's going to break my heart to see people go ;___;

I worked over nine hours today with one break.

Sun, 04 Sep 2005 00:21:45 GMT

Dress up parties are the best! Especially when you host and her friends do crazy old fashioned dancing in the street while drunk and dressed up like japanese super heros.

But a thought I had later in the night while out watching a bands final performance.... Why is it that when hippies dance they all resemble chickens? NO JOKE!

Tue, 30 Aug 2005 04:46:25 GMT

I think I might add vet nursing to my list of possible things to do one day. I'm starting to feel like I'm not being stimulated or challenged enough out in the pet store these days. I figured this out when Rose teased me about how excited I got to learn new things in the grooming room (how to brush out a particular dog properly *giggles*). Anyway I finished my lunch way early and so went and chatted to the clinic staff for a bit until I got roped into doing some simple jobs like holding dogs while bandages were changed and injections given. It all fasinated me, even stuff like watching bloody pus get squeezed out a drain on the back of a dog covered in stitches (skin died after a dog attack). And dude, feeding lambs is the best fun ever!

I think I might get my hair cut this week.

Mon, 29 Aug 2005 05:30:40 GMT

I feel pummled and have bruises in some very odd places. But Jen and I were so fucking proud of ourselves for carrying that wood so far down the beach... even if the really heavy fuckers ended up getting chucked in a bush once we couldn't walk more than four steps without resting and whimpering. Oh yeah! The flaties and co tried to have something called an umu (omu, umu? ooooo-mooooo) but we made too many fuck ups and ended up wrapping everything in tinfoil and chucking it on the fire. It was amazingly good.

But next time I'll remember to eat more than I drink and you know, not be the scandal of the trip! It was ok, we all had a good giggle and hollar over it and no harm was done.

I started painting again, want to see monkey (who uses the word ruffians!), have no free time, may very well go insane. Time to go amuse Gary parrot and cook dinner.

Sat, 27 Aug 2005 00:41:06 GMT

One foot is red the other green. I'm really quite happy and life is treating me wonderfully. I got my voice back in full by thursday (about bloody time!) but I'm still recovering my energy and fighting off the cough.

I love life's little games, I really do get a good deal with things these days. Thursday is my cooking night and I was totally craving lentils but there were none in NEV so my foggy little mind told me it would be a good idea to walk into town. While wandering through the gardens I nearly cried from pure exaustion (I'd been working sick all week and had stayed at work until 4:15 that day, that's 8.25 hrs baby!) but although I'm enough of a girl to admit it, I'm not enough of a girl to actually -do- it. Anyway I tottered around the healthfood store then went to stock up on comfort food (mmm toblerone) and started off home again. For some reason I went a slightly different way (usually I'm a stickler for rutines) and got stopped by Neil. Now for those poor uninformed souls yet to hear my rant, he's the one I lost my voice too in the first place last friday (talking over music) and I was highly pleased to find out that we can rant as easily sober as we can drunk. But of all people to bump into when I was feeling so drained, it was just crazy. Especially seeing as how I met up with Fran the night before totally out of the blue at Refuel of all places.

My feet are cold and Kaet's dissapeared. I'm painting a little while I think about how to tackle this dummy head for the dolls. I think my current problem is purely materials, I can't really shape the stuff easily because it seperates when it's slightly too dry and if I wet it, the stuff really quickly goes to mush. But yay, am getting real clay soon!

Tue, 23 Aug 2005 04:08:51 GMT

Flail! I need my voice back by tomorrow but so far that's looking very unhopeful. How the fuck can you lose your voice for four days when it was only a cold (and talking until 2:30am over music or in the cold)?

I've been feeling strangely disconnected from everything lately, but at the same time (and I know I wont explain this right) I've had this feeling of sitting back and watching every mistake I do then quietly pointing out to myself where I might improve next time. I think it's because for the first time in a while something really happy is happening and I'm still such a self destroyer that my head is trying to tell me I'm depressed. So I'm over thinking everything and it's left me frazzled.

But I'm happy and oh so hopeful.

Sat, 30 Jul 2005 23:55:45 GMT

Erg in the last three nights I've stayed up watching DVD's and then worked twice as long as I slept. The following night enjoyed a pre-concernt party then during the mundane task of returning videos was kidapped by my brother and his feral friends. Had some real wake up calls that night as to how I've been living my life. Got next to no sleep again but still agreed to go to stand up comedy with Laura to support Jez.

I got home and crashed until 10am. I think this is my body saying slow down. Bed before 3am is good.

Wed, 27 Jul 2005 11:36:47 GMT

Apologies to those I dissapeared on today. I love you really! The connection just kinda died though.